Frequently Asked Questions for Donors and Intended Parents

Donors who have found their way to Gayby choose to become known donors because they desire some level of involvement in knowing the child they are helping to create and they want to get to know the intended parents they would be donating to. Donating to a sperm bank means that you don’t have a say in where your donation is going or how many people it’s going to. And your child won’t be allowed to contact you until they are 18 years of age.

Absolutely not. Most intended parents are not seeking sexual relations with their donor. Donation can happen in different ways — some families choose IVF or IUI through a licensed fertility clinic, while others may consider lower-tech, at-home methods.

‍We always encourage consulting with a qualified fertility specialist to determine the safest and most appropriate option for you.

People with HIV can donate sperm if they meet certain criteria, including:
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- Having an undetectable viral load
- Taking antiretroviral treatment for at least six months before donating
- Informing the recipient of their HIV diagnosis and obtaining their consent

The safest process would involve IVF - combining healthy donor eggs with sperm that has gone through HIV sperm washing. And just be aware that your chances of matching with a recipient will be reduced as you would only be matched with those who are willing to be matched with HIV-positive donors.

In most cases, intended parents cover medical and travel expenses for their donors. If you would like to receive additional compensation you can select that option in your profile and state your desired compensation. Note that seeking additional compensation may greatly reduce your match potential as you would then only be matched with recipients who are willing to pay additional compensation for their donor.

This is to be discussed between you and the intended parent(s). Gayby was founded on the idea that gay men could be great “fun-uncle” figures in the lives of their biological children and could become friends with whoever they decide to donate to, but each individual is different. Some parents might desire more distance from their donor, some might be looking for a co-parent relationship.

It’s possible! We do have women looking to donate their eggs to a gay man or couple, hoping to be an aunt-like figure in the lives of their biological children. Others might be looking to share custody and parenting duties. In these cases, it's important to have clear legal agreements regarding parental rights, custody, and financial responsibilities. Consulting a lawyer specializing in reproductive law is highly recommended.

In many cases, sperm donors have no legal rights or financial obligations toward children conceived through their donation. However, laws vary by location, and some jurisdictions may recognize the donor as a legal parent unless explicit waivers are signed. Always seek legal advice before donating and be sure to sign clear legal agreements with your intended parents.

No! We welcome straight ally donors as well. Just know that many if not most intended parents who have sought out Gayby’s services have done so because they ideally prefer a gay-identifying sperm donor and all that entails.

Yes. Many of our intended parent clients are gay male couples looking for an egg donor or surrogate.

Are you a woman or trans man who has previously frozen your eggs? Well you could donate them to a gay couple that you match with and be an aunt/uncle figure to that child.

We welcome surrogates too! You can state your desired compensation and be matched with intended parents.

Egg donor and surrogate in one, well then whoever you match with would really have hit the jackpot!

You can choose a sperm donor based on various factors, including physical appearance, educational background, medical history, and personal interests.

We don’t and we can’t. Gayby is a relationship matching platform much like any other dating app out there. While we do our best to prevent bad actors with clear red flags from accessing our platform, it is up to all intended parents and donors to do their due diligence on anyone they match and would like to proceed with. This could include background checks, STD testing, psychological testing, etc.

Absolutely there are legal aspects to consider. In some regions, the legal parental rights of the donor may be different based on the nature of the donation (anonymous vs. known). You should work with a lawyer who specializes in reproductive law to ensure that your parental rights are fully protected and that the donor waives any potential future claims to custody or child support.

A sperm bank doesn’t allow you to see grown-up photos of donors, you have to make your decision based on self-reported medical history and baby photos. There’s so much more you can learn about a potential donor from a 5 minute face-to-face conversation with them than you ever could from reading a document. And it is our belief that a donor-conceived child has a right to know where they come from - having the donor’s relationship to the child and family normalized from an early age saves the child from much of the trauma reported by donor-conceived children who were able to meet their donor parent until later in life (18 years or older).

Costs can vary widely depending on the arrangement you choose to pursue with your donor. Many donors are excited to help bring a child into the world and are happy to donate altruistically as long as legal, medical, and travel expenses are covered. Other donors may want to be compensated for their time and effort. (Though they have the easier task when it comes to baby-making, agreeing to be a donor often involves genetic testing, routine STD tests, legal consultations, staying healthy and taking supplements, a certain degree of abstinence, and potentially months of repeat attempts before a pregnancy might occur.